Here I am taking a pew after breakfast on a Sunday morning thinking of what my spirit actually and truthfully needs when it comes to having a job. What is it that would really make me want to dash off to my employment? Of course my current post offers that on the capital plane but challengingly being a sales person is a forced challenge. And could I master it, or would I fail at it like I fail at being a committed gym body. Or is it just that I truly just don’t like going to Virgin Active?

So after updating my blog on Bundublog I grasp that I do adore writing, and writing a book will unquestionably undeniably jab within the very depths of my soul. But I am in Africa and here we need a foundation strapping enough to lug us through our writing holiday and future that face us upon coming back. So travelling and writing will be gratifying but we need to settle. Or do we? I love my man and I love South Africa. I just don’t like working for someone else. And nor does he.

So reading Richard Branson’s autobiography I am awed as I envy his entrepreneurial heart. Wishing I could have a business brain, but my brain creatively fails the business unit of it, if at all I had any. I observe my boyfriend waking up breathing business ideas and going to bed yawning his next. How do we get his ideas to pull of? He meticulously writes them down at night and in the early morning I hear him grown about these ideas in his sleep-talking.

We require one grand million dollar scheme for both of us to pursue our dreams. Summiting again for him and for me free time to just write, even if it is amateurish gobbledygook. To buy my family a retirement village and send them on a boat cruise across the Caribbean. To do an offroad biking tour across a country, to skydive in every country, to sail across the world. To buy my own island and Leopard 48 and just run my own family enterprise. For the anxiety and constant worry to relax within my mans soul and for his heart to stop panting with fear of not reaching his ultimate goal. So these were just my Sunday morning thoughts. Doing what I love most.

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How super annoying is it not that we have to wake up in the morning and not have power. I cannot blowdry my hair and the traffic lights are out everywhere. Making traffic an absolute nightmare. Coming home up to two hours later than usual.

It sucks and what makes it worse is that eskom is getting away with it. We pay for our electricity it doesnt come for free. SO it is our right to have it when we need it. I know we have become very dependant on our luxuries but that is the way the cookie crumbles and most importantly the way business works. Each and every business or enterprize whether big or small uses electricity and suffers losses. Even in our own homes we suffer losses due to meat going to waste, milk going off etc.

I say we should all stand together and create a voice against this nonsense. Our other cultured friends strike when they arent happy, why dont we strike againts all these bigger forces that we face. The electricity giants, the dairy giants, the bread giants. Lets just strike and not use their products for a week. IS there no way we can influence the markets.

Come guys there must be something we can do together. ????

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A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, “What are all those clocks?”

St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks.

Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.”

“Oh,” said the man, “Whose clock is that?”

“That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.”

“Incredible,” said the man. “And whose clock is that one?” St. Peter responded, “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved twice

telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.”

“Where’s Jacob Zuma’s?” asked the man.

“Zuma’s clock is in God’s office. He’s using it as a fan.”

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Exact but mistaken door October 1st, 2007 by Belinda

She was searching for days on end for a place to dwell; her own billet where she could feel like a princess and not a dusty Cinderella waiting for better days. From a broken windowsill and walls incomplete and funny housemates she finally came to work one day exclaiming proudly that she had found her little lay underneath this scorching sun!

Cinderella dusted off her soggy thoughts and mislaid hope and moved into her new sanctuary! She called it home for just one day. The four walls a petite silver brimming castle where soft linen flowed on the rhythm of praise, rays of the sun trickled over and across the room warming the inside up like the heart and kindness of our Father.

The new-fangled tang was that of a field full of spring expectation and a little summer’s wiff… It was overflowing with spirit and it was going to be home for a while. A little heaven not only in her heart but in her life, this thing called life we endure each day, sometimes good sometimes bad. And then one night as she fell asleep the darkness leapt into her room and destroyed and crashed every little sense of peace and security. Old celebration old familiar ties and someone else’s shadowy dim past came knocking on the exact but mistaken door.

There was no money to be collected here for celebrations once extravagantly devoured and abused. The stained soul that once soiled these four walls was now gone … The uninvited unwanted stranger hauled the curtain away and was shouting ear-piercing threats to his relocated lost love, the gold he came looking for was gone. Although an undeserving stranger, if he just knew who he had fortuitously met that night.

Inadvertently ran away from, cussed and cursed. it was our Cinderella which he has now left in fearful tears, a discomforted heart, untrusting now in her own petite silver brimming castle should have … has he ran off for good into the darkness and will he also be just a memory like these four walls remember the legs that were before ?

I pray that he is, I pray that Cinderella would dust her soggy thoughts once again, regain her yet again mislaid hope and walk in faith, there is shadows of darkness out there that come and remind us why we are so protected, so divinely looked after. Who we believe in and who once upon a time sacrificed his Son so that we could be protected and victorious over these forces of darkness. We are sons of Adam and any stalking stranger’s hands and schemes are tied behind their backs.

They can come kicking and screaming in the darkest of night and earliest of hour, but the only power they hold, is that within their legs, those legs that can run faster only to get away from Gods shielding sword. Call back those rays of trickling sun Cinderella, where there was rhythm of praise and promises of good fortune. Take back what your heart was promised and let no dust settle again

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Desire is desire wherever you go

October 1st, 2007 by Belinda

So each Sunday after lunch, blue thoughts blow my mind and I have to wrestle very rigidly to prepare my mind and body for the next day. And when Monday morning leaps at me with sturdy rays I robotically get up and fire up my act.
Then when I get to work it takes eight and nine to get me engaged in my familiar spot of performance and I feel a little silly for actually feeling Monday blued. I am the main actress in my own life’s play. With deep forest tweaking through my ears I feel a familiar craving inside of me to break out and run free. There is a complete undiscovered world out there that I am sometimes desperate to go and explore. Strangely enough the CA number plate smacks my infatuation right out of me and I am reminded that there is no real little Italy and that this is where I needed to be. This is where I need to make it work. This is my REALITY.  I started counting my blessings and I remembered why I moved from Jozi to Capetown. He was handsome, blonde and had my heart in his. I had started a life here that would determine my future. I had my dreamed of relationship and although there was something that we both still needed we knew we would tackle this world together. And it would be fine.
I sat on the sofa this morning, in my quiet time and I reached out to God. That familiar spot that we always run to when we feel desolated and in need. I read a chapter in Kings and as the river Jordan was split by the touch of a prophet’s garb I was surprised at how little I actually know of this remarkable past. This interesting, and most vital part, of my future and my everlasting peace. I am very far away from my relationship I use to share with God and I cannot help but to consider that this is the fundamental reason for my yearning to explore other places. It was actually a running away, a running away that usually took you further away of that, that was truly essential to your happiness. Forgetting that what I was actually yearning after and running towards was right here within me, inside of me, ready to receive. I just had to ask.
I have done it before you know, packed up and left. And although it made me grow as a person and made me “street wise” and opened my eyes a bit, I always came back to nonentity. Came back to reality and realised that it was an idyllic infatuation that made me run in circles. I was in fact only messing up my short term plan to buy my freedom later. And it wasn’t truly what I needed. I needed to build on my foundation right here, in my spirit and God would show me and give me the sense and passion that I had fired up in my heart and my soul. He would make my fire burn and burn in the right places. In the perfect destination designed and thought of long before I even existed.
And so i think most of us wake up each day, and we yearn to break free, and most of us are bold enough to actually go out and do it. But for what in return? Experience? There is only one way that matters, one destination and that is within our hearts and within our soul. God in hand.
There is a reality, and it is this, a relationship with our Maker gives us that sense of contentment and gratification that we so desperately yearn after. He is our peace and our sense of belonging … I can remember sweet summer days … with the sweet remembrance of His rays stroking my skin - my yearning flesh …
He was the fulfilment I so desperately seek after. I long to go back there ….
Desire is desire wherever we go, we chase after desire and once that desire is fulfilled we start chasing after the next best thing, WHAT IF we could stop chasing and find what we are keen to travel miles and miles for and spend endless days of time wasting and searching … right here within our hearts where it all started and will end when your heart stops hammering. When your mind stops thinking, your soul stops searching ….

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Report Darling - Rocking the Daisies

September 30th, 2007 by Belinda

The beautiful drive there made a perfect start for a perfect day. The flowers and wild scene put all three of us in a willing and wanting mood. We wanted to hang and we wanted to drink as much beer as we could lay our hands on.

Tents pitched, rockers ready and the new fashion almost exhaustingly spread all over the barrels of hay! So many faces around but there seems to be only one character, fashion has repeated itself and everyone seems to be a follower. Short dresses stockings halfway and hair messed up they walk and show absolutely no grace. Smoking aces and rocking candy music bellowing from the stage, unfamiliar faces melodies apart.

There sure aren’t any daisies walking around and guys were puffing smoke all over each others lips. I remember once seeing girls in the same act and I could imagine that turning guys on, but guys sucking smoking face, only for the love of rock. If this proves I am strangely uncool i embrace the labeling. The wind picked up tormentingly and we headed back to the car, hand in hand humming away at the tunes. I felt so in love I thought … and BAM, it was like the drums on stage stampeded through my ears bashing away at a deaf tone war song . Walking drunk and alone a swoof of wind blew the bimbo’s excuse of a dress up and blasted every romantic thought I had.

I suppose it was a rock concert and it should be nothing short of the boobs that were hanging out and g-strings sticking out from the denim jeans. Guys swearing with black lips, black hair cow-licked and chains clanging from their pockets. Rolling a joint with plastic, the camera man was puffing away before his beat. Drunk and disorderly, funny choking mixes, all sorts of pipes and of course the germans. I cant remember when last i had so many beers in such a short period of time.

And then there was the girl. I had to hook the two up, even if just for this weekend. He is our best friend and like these people around with their booze and drugs they couldn’t go without, he couldn’t go without this poisonous past love. I had to get him to let it go. I had to get him to see the new girl he had introduced to us a couple of nights ago, the same girl who introduced us to Darling, and getting us to Rocking the daisies. I owed her that, I couldn’t think of a better way to pay her back. I was going to kill two birds as they say with one stone, and this had to be a big stone. His heart was glued to this past love and it was going to take more than just plain old match making. I took out the big guns and luckily for me it paid off. It must have been the Dixie Chicks wanna bee’s on stage and their easy tunes that attributed to the victorious mood, and of course the germans and the swift drag of mary jane!

It was lock stock and smoking barrel, they were soon rocking all over, or rather under the moon and the night ended perfectly. My man was wrapped up around me and I was falling asleep in his chest, standing … We drove off, away from Darling and she went home with him. We were glad that we didn’t stay! The wind was cutting through our tired flesh and aching wind snapped ears.

And waking up this morning, i remembered the good time I had and glad I wasn’t falling around through hay and barrel to find my fate. Hoping our buddy found his love, forbidden fruit, forgotten love and good old faith. I love my life and I loved Darling.

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She gathers rain

November 23rd, 2007 by Belinda

Long before New Year I knew she was the one, the mystery train. This thunderous rain. This history train feels oh so right; I know this feeling I have for her. She arrived on a mystery train and took me to a place I never knew before. I live there now, not afraid anymore. The day she arrived on a mystery train is in my mind forevermore.

When I am with her I shake inside, my heart’s all tangled and my tongue all tied. I can’t walk I cant talk and I can’t eat. I am in love … in love knee deep. I can’t sleep, cause baby with your kisses you leave me defenceless. I can’t sleep and when I look in your eyes I can’t speak. She takes over my heart.

I watch him in the morning when he gets clad, his every move. I loose my way and get lost in this emotion where the waves keep moving. I wonder if the stars sighted what is right for my life. My mind is clouded over … and should I be believing in all of this my dreaming. The turn I have just taken is all I have believed in.

She is my angel, wherever she may go or leave to I will follow. Forever you may go, and always will I be there. Shake the leaves from your hair and wipe the rain from your skin. I will be there always. I will catch you over those troubled stones and I will shelter you from the strongest of winds. Oh angel, I will hold your hand wherever you may go. I will follow …

This is my memorial beach, where you came with the thundering rain on your mystery train. As my insides were shaking and my eyes knew of no sleep, you will always be my angel and I will follow you wherever you intend to go.

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A secret Garden November 23rd, 2007 by Belinda

She will let you in her house, if you come knocking late at night. She will let you in her mouth if the words you say are right. If you pay the price she will let you deep inside. There is a secret garden she has …

She will let you in her car, do your driving, she would let you become part of the sin that would let you drown. To get to her secret garden, think twice. You have gone a million miles, tell me how far did you get. That place you can’t remember and that place you can’t forget. She has tenderness and will let you come far enough just until you know she is really there. And she will look at you, through these eyes of sin.

She has this secret Garden with everything you want and everything you need. A million miles away, She will consider letting you in. But it wont be easy, the people she let in there before trashed everything sweet inside. The things she saw them do, the things she heard them say. She thought it would be joy but her soul is split into two.

 Does this Christmas give us silence, does this new year hold the truth, do I walk towards you or run away from you. There was a place we use to know, but now I feel like I have walked into a cave. You know my deepest sin, you fill me like the wind. Let the miracle now begin. Fill me now with wind and wash me away into the very depths of your arms. Cause at times I felt so sure, and I opened up the doors.

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