Desire is desire wherever you go

October 1st, 2007 by Belinda

So each Sunday after lunch, blue thoughts blow my mind and I have to wrestle very rigidly to prepare my mind and body for the next day. And when Monday morning leaps at me with sturdy rays I robotically get up and fire up my act.
Then when I get to work it takes eight and nine to get me engaged in my familiar spot of performance and I feel a little silly for actually feeling Monday blued. I am the main actress in my own life’s play. With deep forest tweaking through my ears I feel a familiar craving inside of me to break out and run free. There is a complete undiscovered world out there that I am sometimes desperate to go and explore. Strangely enough the CA number plate smacks my infatuation right out of me and I am reminded that there is no real little Italy and that this is where I needed to be. This is where I need to make it work. This is my REALITY.  I started counting my blessings and I remembered why I moved from Jozi to Capetown. He was handsome, blonde and had my heart in his. I had started a life here that would determine my future. I had my dreamed of relationship and although there was something that we both still needed we knew we would tackle this world together. And it would be fine.
I sat on the sofa this morning, in my quiet time and I reached out to God. That familiar spot that we always run to when we feel desolated and in need. I read a chapter in Kings and as the river Jordan was split by the touch of a prophet’s garb I was surprised at how little I actually know of this remarkable past. This interesting, and most vital part, of my future and my everlasting peace. I am very far away from my relationship I use to share with God and I cannot help but to consider that this is the fundamental reason for my yearning to explore other places. It was actually a running away, a running away that usually took you further away of that, that was truly essential to your happiness. Forgetting that what I was actually yearning after and running towards was right here within me, inside of me, ready to receive. I just had to ask.
I have done it before you know, packed up and left. And although it made me grow as a person and made me “street wise” and opened my eyes a bit, I always came back to nonentity. Came back to reality and realised that it was an idyllic infatuation that made me run in circles. I was in fact only messing up my short term plan to buy my freedom later. And it wasn’t truly what I needed. I needed to build on my foundation right here, in my spirit and God would show me and give me the sense and passion that I had fired up in my heart and my soul. He would make my fire burn and burn in the right places. In the perfect destination designed and thought of long before I even existed.
And so i think most of us wake up each day, and we yearn to break free, and most of us are bold enough to actually go out and do it. But for what in return? Experience? There is only one way that matters, one destination and that is within our hearts and within our soul. God in hand.
There is a reality, and it is this, a relationship with our Maker gives us that sense of contentment and gratification that we so desperately yearn after. He is our peace and our sense of belonging … I can remember sweet summer days … with the sweet remembrance of His rays stroking my skin - my yearning flesh …
He was the fulfilment I so desperately seek after. I long to go back there ….
Desire is desire wherever we go, we chase after desire and once that desire is fulfilled we start chasing after the next best thing, WHAT IF we could stop chasing and find what we are keen to travel miles and miles for and spend endless days of time wasting and searching … right here within our hearts where it all started and will end when your heart stops hammering. When your mind stops thinking, your soul stops searching ….

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